First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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