I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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