You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
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Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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