My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
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The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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