i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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