Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize