So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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