I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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