I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize