I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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