really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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