is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize