i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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