I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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