Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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