Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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