my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize