I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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