I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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