You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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