I wish I could teleport
I wannas sexs uuuuu
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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