I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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