Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
They are going to name an STD after you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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