She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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