There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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