Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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