just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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