just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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