is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had me at cake vodka
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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