I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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