Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Michael Bay diarrhea
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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