i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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