Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
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I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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