theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
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That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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