Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize