Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize