If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
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I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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