He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize