the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize