we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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