You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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