Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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