Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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