You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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