I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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