...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
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do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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