Need sex. Gaining weight.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize