a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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