from now on my penis is your penis
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
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i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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