What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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